I wonder why it is I never became that Professional Footballer / Rock star / Brain Surgeon / Writer? (Delete where applicable - oh yeah they all apply...)
At least since my last blog I have an excuse in that I am another year older, and having passed 35, and no longer being able to cling to "late twenties" I think I am officially now a grumpy old man. It is the first time in many years on my birthday I generally felt a year older.
From the moment I woke up on the morning of the day something had changed - something was not quite right.
I woke with a head ache. My wife made me a coffee, I spilt it, she made a full hearty breakfast - it wasn't what I really wanted; my (23 month old) son got upset and cried, not wanting his daddy to comfort him, I opened my presents... okay they were good... but I just felt miserable.
I can really associate now with Bill and his "People who hate People" political party... "We're trying to get a meeting together - will you be there? Yeah? Well I'm not coming then..."
The day continued with us packing up the car and heading off for a day at the Zoo.
Things went from bad to worse.
Everyone I have told that I went to Chester Zoo for my birthday has responded in the same way - "That's really good, I love Chester Zoo, did you have a good time?". To each I have responded "No it was crap."
It was cold and we got soaked in a torrential downpour. I agree not really the fault of the zoo, but only when it's raining do you realise how few shelters there are(that aren't shops)
It was full of kids. Now going at this time of year(as we normally do) it is great as the zoo is pretty empty and you get to park right next to the door (rather than 3 fields away). This day was no differrant - other than the coachloads of school trips.
Everywhere you turned there was packs of blazer wearing spotty kids shouting and tearing around from exhibit to exhibit. And that was the nice ones.
Next, and most importantly, there were sod all animals!
I don't know if we timed our visit wrong, but all the animal enclosures seemed overgrown, with bushes and trees blocking any view you may have had of the animals (If they'd actually been there). We seemed to walk from empty enclosure to empty enclosure.
It appears that to put people off the scent of this little scam, (A zoo without animals) they bombard you with signs and posters and exhibits on animal conservation, and how these animals are disappearing in the wild (And presumably Chester)
Another counter they have is seeming to put statues of animals outside the entrances.
IF I WANTED TO SEE STATUES OF ANIMALS I WOULD HAVE GONE TO A STATUE PARK!
When I go to a Zoo I want to see Chimps throwing food at each other, I want to see Orang Utans ignoring the fruit they are given and beckoning for ice lollies off the punters, I want to see a zebra put in the Lion enclosure at feeding time! I hate the fact that TV and the media in general has turned me into someone who wants instant entertainment. Now.
As you can imagine I was being pretty moany, it being my "Special day" and all, and generally making everyone else's life a bit of a misery. The result of which did cheer me up somewhat.
So is that what being a grumpy old man is all about? If so - bring it on.
Anyway, you are probably all saying, " stop your moaning, zoos and seeing animals closeup are all about children and their enjoyment, what was your sons favourite bit?"
The Monorail.
Oh well, like father like son.
